CHECKLIST CHARLIE

Beating the post-divorce parenting triangle

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One of the best blessings about building a social media platform is the amazing feedback I’m getting from other women, often anonymously. For instance, a treasured friend sent her perspective on staying untangled from the parenting triangle. She’s a gentle soul and not one for the spotlight. I think you will see her beautiful spirit in what she wrote.

“I was once asked this very direct question by my then-teenage daughter: ‘Why couldn’t you keep Daddy happy?’”

Her daughter confronted her post-divorce, after 10 years of trying to stay in the marriage in spite of his multiple affairs.

“I had no answer at the time. I simply said, ‘I tried my best to make him happy, but sometimes that’s not enough,’” she writes. So, how did her daughter respond?

“Well, your best used to be better!” Moms face some heart-piercing moments along the way! To her credit, she didn’t try to defend herself. Or, demean the child’s father.

Now that they’ve been divorced for over sixteen years, her children are finally seeing the woman God intended her to be all along, she says, offering a kind of comfort.

Most women will make tremendous sacrifices to hold their marriages together, even forgiving an affair. Sadly, divorce is not an easy topic in the church. Yet, the church is the place we most need to comfort the wounded.

Because their father missed the opportunity to be his best, this beautiful family experiences ongoing sadness. In spite of the fact that their mother is successful and influential, the kids and grandkids have to accommodate a family dynamic that they did not choose.

Woundedness in the head of the home takes a toll on all family members. One wise man explained to me that no matter how challenging a wife can be, God still sees the husband as the head of the family. Therefore, God holds the husband responsible in a unique way, according to this wise man.

As for my friend, these days she hosts Camp Grand every summer for her grandchildren. Her children visit often, three generations together.

“My children stay at my house, a very, very modest home compared to the one they grew up in. My point here is to provide you a question (about parenting triangles), but also to say that God loves you no matter what.” She adds a valuable perspective, “If you show your heart, you will be hurt. But, I choose to share my heart with the assurance that He will show my heart and His to my children.”

This amazing woman of influence and wisdom adds a final thought: “My Father knows me, and that’s more than enough.”

I can testify that many people are blessed because this dear friend. I am only one of many blessed by her generosity of soul.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Contact her at CathyKrafve.com.

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